I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
