I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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