if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
