They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
