nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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