Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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