Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
