i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
