it wasn't lemon gatorade
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
