It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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