Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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