Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
