How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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