Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
