it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
