Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
