Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
smell my finger.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
