The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Im just a social blackout drinker.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
