The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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