you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
