I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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