and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
