I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
