how can u be prego again
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
is it fun? or sober?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
