I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
