M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
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so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
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Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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