it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
