It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
