i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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