i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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