he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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