i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
