As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
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