standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
