census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
