Got a toothbrush?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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