I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
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She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
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And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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