stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
