I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
