hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize