I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
