I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
