I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Found the puke drawer
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
