who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
you had me at cake vodka
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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