You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
