so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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