I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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