Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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