i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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