i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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