Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
