Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
