all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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