i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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