Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
