You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
