I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
