I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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