Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize